who am i?

I saw you in my dream.
You know.. Its totally Awkward.
Yesterday I slept with the thought that I was over you.
This morning, I woke up with the mind that I was not.
So I thought to call you , then again my mind said "NO".
What the F is so wrong with me?
What do I want? This or That?
I am really tired of it, and sick of it. And I found myself so irritating, pathetic, idiotic and fool.

In my entire life, when I made the decisions, I always respected and stick to them.
I called you yesterday.As soon as I heard your voice" Hello", I just hang up the phone.
I knew that the whole thing was so crazy.
I even knew that I should not have even felt too much about it.
I think about it to figure out why I am feeling such way.Shame on me. Shame on me!
Yes, I know it is way too much.
I am afraid that I might have put pressure on him as well.
I mean. I don't want people I adore to get annoyed because of me.

I don't know.. I don't know who I am now though I clearly remember who I was before.
I don't want to dwell on the past. I seriously want to get out of this whole thing.

Day X seems like it is not so different from Day I.